Back to School Chocolate

1 Sep

We spend the year wishing we had more time with our kids and the next thing we know, we get what we wish for. June was wonderful wasn’t it? July came by and we realized that they don’t have anywhere to go today, or tomorrow, or the next day. Camp or sports activities help occupy them for a couple of hours, leaving the rest time open for them to focus on creating clutter and eating things the moment you buy them.

Yes, it’s like summer will never end and that’s why those of us that have kids (particularly in high school and middle school) view “Back to School” as sort of a holiday of sorts, so that we can go back to missing them. Back to school for the kids on the other hand is a stressful period of discovery where they try to pick the correct clothing and image that will accurately represent who they are at the moment. What many parents don’t realize is how important chocolate is to this transition.

Reasons For Back to School Chocolate

All of this stress can be very affecting on both child and parent, but chocolate can help. In fact, scientists have found that eating approximately 1.4 ounces of dark chocolate each day for two weeks reduced levels of the stress. And when has science ever steered us wrong? (don’t answer that) Believe it or not, as you read on you may even find that the Back to School chocolate isn’t just for you, but also for your kids. Do you think you could part with some of your chocolate? (don’t answer that either)

  • Sanity – High amounts of stress can lead to such things as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Okay we are NOT implying that summer vacation and the stress of back to school can induce a crippling psychological effect, but we have been noticing a lot of our own hair in the drain lately from nervous twisting and pulling. Nothing fifty or so dark chocolate covered cherries can’t overcome…make that an even hundred.
  • “Cred” – Here’s where the kids come in. Do you know what “cred” is? No? Well, its short for credibility. This is one of those nonsensical gauges for how cool they are in school. If they have things that other kids don’t have, these items add to their cred. These items include shoes, jeans, and electronic items. Does it include chocolate? It certainly helps when it comes to making friends (at least for the ten seconds it take to eat it).
  • Bullies – We have all, at some point in our lives, had to deal with these unfortunate and powerless kids who feel the need to exert their frustration on others in a harassing manner. Chocolate can help by giving your children the energy to run away from them. Showing bullies that you have chocolate is a horrible idea. They may be unfortunate and disturbed kids, but plying them with chocolate just encourages them, and frankly, they don’t deserve it.
  • More Sanity – You had some chocolate in order to reduce stress and bring some sanity back into your life. Going with this train of thought, more chocolate will just result in more sanity. If less sanity brings very very bad things, then more sanity can only bring very very good things, right? Is it even possible to have too much sanity? I think not. What does this have to do with Back to School? Nothing, I just like chocolate, okay, back to Back to School.
  • The Brown Market – It is no secret that there is a healthy market trade system in school lunchrooms across the nation. Like the black market deals in more nefarious goods, the brown market (named after the brown paper bags from which the trade items derive) has a vigorous trade and chocolate is a commodity that is akin to gold. Emily’s has taken this into account already (see how smart we are?) and produced 1 oz bags of chocolate covered cherries, blueberries, and strawberries. One 1 oz bag could yield a handful of vegetables and a whole-wheat sandwich with low fat mayonnaise, because that’s what our kids are trading for chocolate…ahem, moving on…
  • Bribery – Teachers love chocolate. We don’t want to give you the impression that your kids will get better grades if they bribe their teachers with chocolate, we’re just saying that it might (probably…will) help. Giving the teacher something like a bag of chocolate covered almonds for example may just turn that B- into a B+. You add those pluses together over a quarter and it could mean that your child is a B++++++++ student. Of course this still makes them a B student, but the best B student in the class and that’s worth celebrating…with chocolate.
  • Focus – Your child may not need to bribe their teacher because chocolate can help your child learn. Bold statement, huh? Well according to WebMD, “Dark chocolate also has other powerful antioxidant properties. And it contains natural stimulants like caffeine, which can enhance focus and concentration.“ See? Don’t take our word for it, that’s from a source with MD in the name, which stands for “Medical Doctor” and Web, which stands for the Internet. We suggest you focus on the MD part.

Chocolate School Supplies

As you can see, chocolate is THE essential school supply this year. Sure, pencils and pens and paper may help them write things that the teacher says, but that’s all happening on laptops now anyway. Chocolate should be an item in any book bag. Thinking about it, that laptop might be getting in the way. Okay, leave it, they’ll probably need it.


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