Halloween Chocolate: Can We Please Have Some Choco-Dignity People?

19 Oct

Halloween is near! I…am…so…EXCITED! I totally remember as a little kid getting dressed up like Geraldine Ferraro mixed with my Wonder Woman gold arm bracelets from the costume the year before (for protection) and casting out into the neighborhood with my mom.

I was serious about it too. I carried a pillowcase, no teeny-weeny plastic pumpkin head for me. That gave people the wrong impression. I wanted to fill that whole pillowcase. That’s why I would drag my mom to the undiscovered (for me at least) regions of our neighborhood seeking someone…anyone, with good taste in chocolate. Quantity raised my chances of finding quality. Even as a small child, I had standards.

That’s why I would also hit the mall. In my childhood the local mall had two chocolate shops and they knew me. They would only give out one tiny chocolate, but I savored it. I knew it was better than any mass-produced chocolate (or even worse sucker *shiver*) that entered my pillowcase.

Suckers? Really? Come-on people, show some dignity! How many kids do you get now-a-days, twenty at the most? You give them a 1 oz bag of chocolate covered blueberries and guaranteed the kids will honor your property. Not-only will they NOT desecrate your pumpkins or egg your house, they will create a human shield against those who are considering it.

Have Some Chocolate Mercy, It’s For the Children

If you’re a parent with little kids then you know that it’s hard to predict which child is going to be excited about Halloween, but if you have a “Halloween child” then it quickly becomes one of best times of the year, even better than Christmas in some respects. They get so excited, the costume process starts in September and you can use the Halloween threat of taking it away to control their behavior for a whole two months. It’s awesome. But that effort needs to be rewarded, and great chocolate is part of it.

Dressing up – When kids costume-up, there is some serious fantasy going on. No messing around. Whether he wants to be Iron Man or she wants to be Smurfette, they ARE those things for the next few hours. Don’t fight it. Multitasking the dual efforts of fighting crime and collecting candy takes serious concentration on a child’s part. It should be rewarded by a yummy chocolate fortune cookie at least. It’ll help them learn how to read.

Walking around – I dressed in the mandatory princess outfit one year and wanted to wear high heels. My mom refused. I freaked out. Boys will wear sneakers to bed, so wearing them with a costume it’s not biggy. Princesses, on the other hand, never touched them. Then my mom showed me the pictures of the Princess Di and Prince Charles’ wedding. She told me that Di was wearing sneakers under her dress and that’s what all princesses secretly wore. I believed her. Sure, I’m an idiot, but an idiot with two perfectly good working ankles thanks to her.

Begging – Getting free stuff by going door-to-door and yelling trick or treat is akin to asking for spare change, but there are also huge differences. One, the person asking for spare change isn’t being shadowed 20 feet away by their parents. Two, they don’t (or rarely) dress like a Mutant Ninja Turtle. Three, there’s a pretty good chance that the kid trick or treating this year will be knocking on your door next summer asking to mow your lawn.

Tricks vs. Treats – Treats are great. To me, that’s what it was all about. Sure, dressing up was fantastic, but was definitely more about the treats. However, there’s always that one jerk that puts you on the spot and says “Trick!” So, there you are left standing on their porch floundering like a moron with nothing to give. It’s the worst feeling in the world. So I have prepared my children for that event. You might think I coached them into putting together a little impromptu flash mob type dance or a song or something. WRONG! I imbued them with logic.

My Kids: “Trick or treat!”

Jerk: “Trick. (arrogant snicker)”

My Kids: “Hey, we’re making the requests around here! So if you don’t have a treat, stop wasting our time and show us a trick, and it better be good or we’ll tell everyone you have face cooties!”

Going to the mall – As a kid, Halloween at the mall combined my two favorite things, chocolate and shopping. Most stores had some kind of candy and if they didn’t, for the rest of the year I would remember not to shop there. Call me fickle, but to me, heaven IS chocolate and shopping. If I can eat chocolate and shop for eternity, I’ll put up with painfully sprouting wings, having to learn how to play the harp, and having that glowing halo keeping me up all night. Just as long as there’s chocolate covered almonds. If there aren’t, then I might consider going the reincarnation route.

Empty reactions to crappy costumes – I remember going to doors wearing a fantastic costume and having to walk up to the door with some kid wearing two holes cut in a sheet who just happened to wander up to the house at the same time. I just wanted to yell, “Trick or treat…and I’m not with this kid, I don’t even know who’s under there and I don’t wanna know!” But instead, I gave a half hearted trick or treat because I knew that kid would get the same reaction to his costume as I would to mine regardless of the effort. “Oh you’re both soooo cute!”…oh, save it. Life is not fair.


Halloween is a celebration of being able to fanaticize and having fun with friends and family. Seeing your kids running around acting crazy is fantastic and something you never forget. The occasion is worthy of celebration by eating excellent chocolate. Give them an Emily’s chocolate before they go out. It might help quell the candy frenzy…then again, maybe not.

Please send us pictures of your kids in their Halloween costumes or you in your Halloween costume and we’ll post them on our blog.

No Tricks Here, Just Treats:


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